Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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