sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
