Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
