i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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