you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
