last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
