You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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