I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
