oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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