he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
