I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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