I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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