Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
