my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
