I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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