You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
