I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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