Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
