So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
