fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
