Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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