i already hear my dad disowning me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
