My underwear smells like fireworks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
