he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
