You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
