So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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