Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
