I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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