He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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