Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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