We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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