Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
