You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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