it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
