I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
