yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
