I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
