i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
