dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
