i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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