ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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