Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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