Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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