someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think people are normalizing furries
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
