It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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