Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
