We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
