i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
