My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
