I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
