Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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