Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
