We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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