The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
