I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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