He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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