Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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