took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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