atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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