I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
