All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
