I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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