Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
