Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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