I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sext me about skeletons
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
