I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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