The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
