One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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