I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
