if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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